keeping track.

for throat infections

2011-11-08T04:53:00.000-08:00

ve been sick for about a week and a half, but it has been
a turning point in my life. what Grace!

...for clients. :) Another thankful post.

2011-10-29T05:01:00.000-07:00

I am teaching English as a means of earning some extra pocket money.
in hopes of thwarting the seeemingly inevitable diminishing of the bank account

to the negative.

at the moment i only have two private clients. will possibly increase that number to three, the max. i can take during the school semester.

and...although i had to get up before noon this saturday morning,

once i arrived at his house and we got going, i was sooo happy to have come.

and disappointed that i was 20 minutes late because of the earliness.

so i am thankful for clients. not just because of the pocket money.

but also because it's fun. you get to know people-and in the case of today, their moms too!

Thanksgiving

2011-10-28T03:10:00.000-07:00

I am looking forward to it this year. But that doesn't mean that I have to wait until then to recognize what I am thankful for.

Oh so many things! Countless as the stars

framed by my night-window,

as the sand under by bed

carried from the playground

on the shrinking shoes of

roommate children.

I am thankful for words, and ears to hear them, and eyes to read them.

Through Word I came into existence. And it is Word that sustains me.

I am thankful for the word of the heart. Word that goes unspoken,

but is no less powerful (perhaps more...) than those that escape

the untrained tongue.

I am thankful that I have chosen a career path based on word, rooted in Word,

and through this powerful medium I hope to have a positive effect on the world.

I spend a lot of time trying to perfect the way I speak

so that I can consequently sing better.

I should spend more time allowing the word of my heart to be perfected.

glass.

2009-12-04T07:09:00.001-08:00

sometimes you get to a point where you feel like you only have one thing going for you. and that one thing is made of glass. and hangs from the ceiling over a concrete floor.

you just hope to God the cord is secure.

2009-09-18T07:11:00.000-07:00

farewell, summer.

warmth and color,
sand and sea.

beautifully your
light has shone.

more beautifully
you seem to glow

here, at your close.

i dont think life has ever sucked so much.

2009-06-23T06:16:00.001-07:00

has it? no...im afraid not.

angst

2009-06-11T06:23:00.001-07:00

change

2009-05-23T02:35:00.000-07:00

has been sort of a theme for the past year. what with scholarships, and graduations, and crossing oceans, and cute little people with names beginning with k, and snow, and apple trees...it's hard to deny it.

and then something happens that hits you. like an 18 wheeler to your little black ford. on the highway, so you're already at high speeds.

but not only does it hit you, it drags you a significant ways down the road.

but you don't die. no...you sustain a significant amount of injury.

you don't die. that's the miracle of it all. you shake what you can off, and you survey the damage.

you survey the damage and you repair what you can.

you mourn for what you lost and you take one step forward.

yes, it hurts to walk, says the physical therapist, but you will never learn to sing without singing.

you grit your teeth and shift your weight.

and every third step or so, you allow yourself to look behind,

every second or third step you allow yourself a little rest from it all...

okay fine every step you take is one step backwards. and sometimes two and fine you dont go anywhere...

because yes you are a new creation, reborn after a terrible accident...one that had to happen because you need to be here...right? (raines would understand this, i think)

yes you're new, but look at those scars. look at those wounds.

NO.

don't look at them. close your eyes. blindfold yourself if you have to.

you were not more beautiful before.

life was not more beautiful before.

and if it were, if you were...you are no longer that.

there is no choice but forward.

no direction but straight ahead.

thus change becomes inevitable.

scholarships come and are spent

hellos and goodbyes

a plane crosses the ocean and back again

a Wonder dies,

the one that stands behind the house,

and is reborn

a different tree.

hiatus

2009-05-13T00:53:00.001-07:00

2009-04-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

on the 28th of april i awoke
earlier than usual.
but still groggy.
the trees outside my window
looked like monet's.

i prayed.
unusual.

and i left the house.

exiting by way of the garden.
the apple tree
had finally bloomed.

the apple tree

2009-04-15T01:11:00.000-07:00

there was the apple tree,
the one that stood behind the house,
and in the wind swayed,
danced even,
its ornamentchens jiggling
silently
heavily
on the sad branches.

it was the christmas tree
standing outside my window,
and in the cold shuddered,
moaned even,
the fruit already picked,
painfully
broken off
from the sad branches.

it is not a spring tree,
winter has left this house
it stands still
silent even
no change do i see. still
silent
heavy
appear the sad branches.

and so it begins

2009-03-30T10:59:00.001-07:00

its is happening now. to the right. outside the window. its eight pm and the sun is sinking. no. sinking isnt the right word. its too fast. even "sinking" is too fast to describe whats happening now. its almost as if its not moving at all. that is how hesitantly its goes.

the stars are already here if you squint. and soon, they become so clear. one at a time, blinking. opening their eyes. what is it they watch over, on this, such a clear night?

getting swole

2009-03-25T05:26:00.001-07:00

is hard. and very painful.
but sometimes being sore feels good.

aha

2009-03-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

no wonder. apparently there are several versions of butterfly. what is normally performed today is much shorter and watered down than the original 1904 version, which virtually no one does. city opera of new york did a revival a few years ago, and it was met with cool reviews from the times.

anyway. apparently the longer version makes more sense.

america forever!

2009-03-12T04:11:00.000-07:00

saw madama butterfly at hso yesterday. was good. cio cio san was sung by a latonia moore, a black soprano from HOUSTON!
shes tiny, but with a pretty powerful voice. it fits this repertoire like a glove. she really does wonderful things on stage. it was nice to hear her. we chatted a bit afterwards. it was awesome.

and ive decided that i want to sing pinkerton. i mean...its not a long role at all. you have the first act, and then youre not seen again until the third, where youre only on stage for like ten minutes. what an easy job!

ive also noticed that butterfly is...in many ways...NOT a really good opera. the first act is WONDERFUL but the rest...it just seems to go all downhill. the music i dont find as exciting with the exception of un bel di or tu tu tu piccolo iddio. other than that...its just weird.

like the ensemble number when kate pinkerton, pinkerton, and sharpless come to get the child. it just seems so...weird. so out of place. maybe it was the production. i dont know.

all in all it was a good evening at the opera. and before hand i treated myself to a steak dinner and a glass (or 3) of wine at this super nice italian ristorante near johannes brahms platz.

i can afford it since im not travelling anywhere for spring break.

from "Water and Light"

2009-03-10T07:52:00.001-07:00

It was quite awkard to chuckle there, at that moment. But how could he not? It seemed too arbitrary, he thought, how we measure time.

Seconds go by only at the tick of our watches, not any slower. Hours last as long as our lunch meetings will allow. We torture ourselves, staring blankly into the faces of strangers, smiling at oppurtune moments - all the while wishing time could go faster, but only at that moment.

"But the escape," he once told someone, "the escape lies in music."

There was silence as he continued to smile. He kept his head down, and though his posture was seemingly relaxed, under the black tuxedo, every muscle in his body felt the tension of suspended time - a giant rubber band stretched concisely to its limit.

But it was beautiful, and he would not let it go. Now? No...no... just a little while longer. He could feel the eyeballs searing a hole into the back of his neck. The crowd before him watched intently, but he did not look at them.

He only stared straight down, perhaps through, the music stand levelled at his waist...waiting.

"We are all there", he thought, as he looked at the symbol on his page.

Perhaps humanity is merely the raindrop, suspended under that protecting umbrella, the sky. And we're floating there, waiting to die, waiting to truely exist.

He gave one last chuckle at the thought of the newspaper's criticisms of his slow tempi the next morning, and as a single drop of sweat fell onto his score, he inhaled deeply, and gave the downbeat of the next measure.

why has my blog

2009-03-09T07:31:00.001-07:00

disappeared?

sometimes i wonder why certain songs seem to

2009-03-03T04:53:00.000-08:00

capture us. since ive started singing seriously ive pretty much allowed myself to be swept away in a sea of opera and art song, hitting waves of symphonies, string quartets, and ballets along the way.

i pretty much ignored all of pop music, or anything played on mainstream radio, thinking of it as a lesser form of art. and im not saying ive separated from those habits or those opinions. but...everyonceinawhile i will hear a song on the radio that...if im not careful...ill find my toe tapping, or my heart swelling, or myself humming it later.

and while i dont believe that three doors down could ever be comparable to mozart or strauss (richard, that is. johann, yeah maybe), but here without you really is...special in its own way.

even with the terribly placed accent on the word "and" in the middle of the chorus.

so maybe all hope isnt lost in the popmusik industrie.

hi everybody!

2009-02-24T06:21:00.000-08:00

hi!

what the fach?

2009-02-16T04:44:00.000-08:00

last year around this time, my voice teacher used the term "lieder sized voice" after i sang in a masterclass with our studio. now, my new voice teacher used the words "sehr lyrischer tenor" in my last lesson. that would be almost the opposite of a lieder sized tenor voice.

could there really be that much more sound there? or am i just foolin myself?

i could write an 80s power ballad about this.

title: copyrite raines 2009

diana damrau and jonas kaufmann

2009-02-09T08:39:00.001-08:00

booyah.

From rosenkavalier

mitfahrgelegenheit

2009-02-04T03:26:00.000-08:00

every tuesday. or wednesday if i forget on tuesday. i go to the computer lab and log onto mitfahrgelgenheit.de

von: hamburg, or 50 km in the near from hamburg
nach: wiesbaden, or 50 km in the near from wiesbaden

i click enter.

i choose one.

hallo,

ich habe gelesen, dass sie von mainz nach hamburg am sonntag fahren. wenn es noch freie plätze gibt, würde ich gerne mitfahren.
sie können mich erreichen unter and then i put my number here.

ich freue mich auf ihre antwort.

mit freundlichen Grüßen,

me.

and then i get a message back.

hey yeah just show up at the trainstation around one.

sorry we dont have anymore places. good luck. maybe next time.

and then sometimes. ... sometimes i get a response that makes me smile. and then after i smile i get a little worried. can this guy be for real?

HEy! He writes, opening with a capitalization error, which signifies over excitement, leading to carelessness in his typing. I hope it does not bother you when I say that I find it better when someone rides with me....

And then he goes on and on about how I should call him and that he is free today and blah blah.

I smiled at first, but now I am worried. Why is this guy so excited?

A few weeks ago, this guy from Bayern was completely rude to me:

I got off of the train, bolted down the stairs, dailed his number, and pressed send.

I ran out of the exited and into the parking lot, turning circles, looking for someone who looked like they could possibily be waiting on someone to arrive. it was a trainstation. everyone looked like that. it was cold that day.

come on come on come on pick up pick up....ach! HALLO PETER! HIER IST KEITH! WHERE ARE YOU I AM HERE! ACHSO OKAY I SEE YOU!!!!!!!

I waved and dashed across the parking lot. PETER ES TUT MIR SOOOOOOOOO LEID i am so sorry DASS ICH SPÄT GEKOMMEN BIN that i am so late ICH HAB DEN LAUFPLAN FALSCH GELESEN UND MUSSTE i read the train schedule wrong and had to 30 MINUTEN MEHR WARTEN...wait thirty more minutes BIS ZUM DER NÄCHSTE ZUG until the next train...ABER DANKE FÜR DEINE GEDULD but thank you so much for your patience...

so i am out of breath and trying to be super nice and do you know what he tells me?

ICH DACHTE DASS DU EINE REISETASCHE HÄTTEST...thought you had a traveling bag with you. he indicated my jack wolfskin trekking pak on my back.

DOCH...sagte ich.

DASS IST KEINE REISETASCHE...thats not a travelling bag. WEISS DU WAS DAS IST? do you know what that is?

NEIN...i said hesitantly...

A MONSTER. ITS TOO BIG. by this point he switched to english.

he was so mean about it. here i am. out of breath. gasping for air. which was so cold, that each breath of air stabbed my insides on the way in. and i had already apologized for being late, and he complains about my treking pack.

HERES WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID: oh okay, sorry theres a problem with my bag. ill just go now and catch a train to frankfurt. we were in hamburg.

but i didnt. i gave it to him and he stuffed it in the back of his tiny car. there were four of us. and i later learned that we would be five after stopping shortly in hannover to pick up another mitfahrer.

after hannover, breathing in the car became difficult. we were just too smushed. the car was about half the size of my saturn sl1 at home (how is charlene, by the way?). i understood then why he didnt want people with too much luggage. he wanted to cram as many people in the car as he could. so he could get the money.

a mitfahr from hamburg to wiesbaden or frankfurt costs about 25 to 30 euro. thats less than half the price for a train ticket. but the trains are more comfortable. and you dont have to worry about stopping to pee anywhere. or getting hungry. or being too close to people. or riding in close quarters with potential...eh..nevermind.

ive done quite a few mitfahrs so far. and im still alive. its really a testament to how civil these people are. in comparison to americans...or at least the americans i remember. i imagine a lot has changed by now.

and its also a testament to how much they love the environment. how much they appreciate frugality. i hope some of those qualities rub off on me. so far the only thing i have picked up is the german diet...which at the end of the day is not really much better than the american one. the food just lookes stranger. yes, stranger. no, not more strange, thank you very much.

and so with marco, my mitfahr from mainz back to hamburg on sunday. why is he so eck? why so excited? dude...its just a mitfahr. no i dont wanna be callin you to confirm. just check your email bro. and bring it down a notch. you dont want people thinkin youre crazy or something....

eh..maybe i shouldnt go there. im sure everything will turn out fine. and perhaps ill even make a new friend.

oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-21T10:53:00.000-08:00

so i went to see macbeth last week (verdi, not shakespeare) and heard this really good tenor named wookyung kim. he was excellent. brilliant voice. top notch musicianship and everything. so i ... (oh no im such a stalker!) i wrote his agent and asked them to pass on a note for me.

Lieber Wookyung Kim,

Ich habe Sie gehört in Macbeth in der Hamburg Staatsoper. Ich bin auch ein Sänger, aber junger als Sie und habe noch nicht meine Karriere angefangen. Ihre Aufführing hat mich inspiriert. Ihre Ausfführung hat mir so gefallen, dass ich bin zurück in die Oper gegangen, um dich als Rodolfo zu hören. Aber Sie waren krank geworden. Ich war traurig. Halten Sie Masterclasses irgendwo, oder igendwann? Geben sie private Musikcoachings? Es gibt viel, dass man von Ihr lernen kann. Auf jeden Fall hoffe ich, dass ich die Chance haben werde, Sie wiederzuhören.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,

Keith Stonum

i hope they arent like freaked out and throw me in jail for harrassment.

i saw the trashiest....most tasteless

2009-01-21T01:44:00.000-08:00

production of la boheme last night. it was horrible. and not really well sung either. except for marcello...who was brilliant at moments. mimi was sharp the whole time. couldnt hear rodolfo. the whole thing fell apart at the beginning of the second act, and the fourth act, except for the duet, was just plain boring.

in other news. we have a new pres.

booyah.

2009-01-19T02:21:00.000-08:00

im so going to go hear renee fleming and diana damrau and jonas kaufmann and sophie koch in rosenkavalier next weekend.

hahahahhahahahahah!

ooooh...but that ticket price.

oh well. i guess i could cut out eating for a few weeks.

happy birthday mema!!!!!

2009-01-15T04:47:00.001-08:00

you are one of the most beautiful people i know. and a true inspiration. having you as a grandmother is, has always been, and will always be a part of my life that i dearly cherish. even though i am a thousand miles away i celebrate with you the joys and triumphs of one more year past, and eagerly look forward to this year, in which you will grow lovelier, wiser, and even more beautiful.

love,
your grandbaby.

my thoughts exactly.

2009-01-12T07:51:00.000-08:00

I can feel myself losing me in all the new things that there are in life - work, bourbon, being alone, being awake by 8am every morning - and I don’t mind most of the time that the part of me that’s been steering this ship for 22 years is gagged and bound in the back of my mind somewhere. People really are just as scared of change as it’s said they are, but I don’t blame them for it. It’s kind of like death, right? You stop being who you were. You don’t just wake up earlier, you become a person who doesn’t sleep in. You don’t just start wearing suits, you start to feel frumpy in anything less.

It really is like you’re dying. And I feel free.

from And now it won't stop... by Dean (8 January 2009)

thank you, nathan, for the camera.

2009-01-06T11:00:00.000-08:00

me and gun sil at the christmas party for erasmus and usac studenten.

From dezember

food at the party.

From dezember

friends from church at josh's basketball game.

From dezember

kfc afterwards.

From dezember

kyle making crepes in avignon, south of france.

From dezember

picnic on the mediterranean.

From dezember

this dog had explosive diarrhea.

From dezember

on the beautiful middle sea. i couldnt be there, so my shadow stood in for me.

From dezember

the apartment in montpellier.

From dezember

and our cute little charlie brown christmas tree. the paper balls never made it.

From dezember

more apartment on a pretty day.

From dezember

the opernhaus in montpellier.

From dezember

bows after the premiere.

From dezember

the promenade at sunset.

From dezember

he gave us directions.

From dezember

someone needs to lay off the muffins.

From dezember

big cathedral in montpellier.

From dezember

the knockers are cool there too.

From dezember

the shopping street in montpellier.

From dezember

christmas dinner.

From dezember

gifts.

From dezember

boring.

From dezember

vinnie....i mean. kyung with tomatensuppe in frankfurt.

From dezember

and a few videos. one is from berlin. i never posted it. please click on the image to link to the video.

From dezember

the others are from the day of cycling to the coast and back.

From dezember

looking forward to 2009 with great expectations. hope you are as well.

From dezember

to fresh starts,
clean slates,
and leaving the past
where it belongs.

__________________________________
to see more pictures please click on "dezember", and you will be redirected to my complete online photograph album.

second shot

2009-01-05T11:29:00.000-08:00

yeap yeap. one more week and then back on the grind with german lessons and voice lessons.

woohoo.

pictures coming soon.

the first few days in france

2008-12-21T10:20:00.000-08:00

have been really wonderful. this apartment is so charming. furnished completely with retro furniture. and the little rinkydink charlie brown christmas tree we made is strung with construction paper chains a la third grade. and popcorn strings. and homemade paper ornaments. and maybe shells from the beach today. but its been loosing needles every day. the shells might be too heavy.

food in france is really...something else. what is it? is it that i have always been told that "the french do food better" and therefore i am dillusioned? or are the baguettes and butter...something so simple...really heavenly? i dont know. but the thing that i am sure of, is everytime i open my mouth to consume something in this country, the experience is remarkable. even the oysters at the overpriced restaurant on the coast today....they werent that great. pappadeaux has waaaay better oysters. but afterward, jud and aurora and i agreed that even that..in all is mediocreness (?) was ....charming. ?

we are staying in a rental apartment with another singer who is singing at the opera comique with jud next week in rossini's viaggio a reims (sp?). his name is dominique. he is very nice. and we think he might be a genius. more on that later.

we have been eating waaaay too much sugar and butter. oprah wont be the only person worried about fitting into her inauguration dress. ha! (see a few posts back). but the hour long bike ride to the beach today might have helped combat my ballooning ....MIGHT. if jud didnt have the most rediculous sweet tooth ive seen on a human being. as soon as we returned the bikes to the tourist office, he stopped, still out of breath from the ride, at a little stop and bought mini butter cakes loaded with sugar and goodness.

"oh well," i said, eating one whole. "there went that."

i would put up photos but i did not bring my computer with me, and i am too afraid to download anything on to ja's computer. its weird. hopefully i will be able to upload one or two or the videos from the beach onto here via dominiques computer.

its now seventhirty p.m. and i can still smell the coast. not on me, because i have showered. but...perhaps in my mind. or on the breeze coming through the window beside me.

i miss my fam. but im expanding my outer circles. making additions to myself. taking things off.

im sorry. i lost you...didnt i?

lets start over.

i miss my family. but this christmas is going to be a special one nonetheless. because (aha...here we go:) because it marks a time in my life where i am finally making the additions to myself, and taking the things away...making the changes that i saw i needed for a long time. maybe its the final growth spurt before youre actually grown.

oh i hope you are still reading, friend, or family member or...stranger (actually...if you are a stranger this might not interest you at all...but feel welcome to keep reading.)

i know it all sounds really intangible now...or incomprehensible.

but im finally...its happening....now. i am finally becoming the person i want to be. and i have NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS! haha...crazy huh?

i miss you. i will see you soon. and then you will understand. maybe then we will both understand.

but this time...now. its wonderful, this time of change.

oh what an exciting time to be in Europe!

arrived

2008-12-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

in france now. woohoo.

tired.

i went to class tipsy today.

2008-12-11T06:10:00.000-08:00

oh Lord, when am i ever going to learn my limit?
Today, for the last day of classes, we did secret santas and then left class midway through to visit the christmas market in front of town hall.

it was a wonderful idea. we had all sorts of food and candies available to us for eating. i had some sort of pork sandwich. yeah i know...pork...ew...but it was really good!

and then i had two glasses of glühwein, which is wine heated with all sorts of spices. it is absolutely wonderful. and it makes you GLOW on the inside...or become warm. thus...GLÜH-WEIN.

wonderful stuff. only i guess i shouldnt have had two because i was almost gone after downing the second one and my german was a bit slurred in the 1 pm conversation class.

and that was just breakfast. haha.

no, seriously now i feel totally fried and am so tired. but i have a final exam tomorrow and then my birthday dec 15 and then an exam on the 16th and then FRANCE for two weeks. woohoo.

so here is what the schedule is looking like for the rest of 2008

dec 11. study study study and maybe hang out with keri.
dec 12. final exam, drive to wiesbaden.
dec 14 or 15. drive back to lüneburg
dec 16. another final exam. head to france. maybe overnight in paris and meet aurora on
dec 17. meet aurora go together south to montpellier
dec 17-28,29. spend time on the southern coast of france, taking day excursions, fellowshiping with friends, growing vocally (!), and spiritually (!!!!!!!!), being stupid, composing music, making a tacky christmas tree, eating food, eating food, eating food eating food gaining weight and maybe running and walking to lose it again.

speaking of gaining weight. i was so disgusted when i heard that oprah said she felt like a fat cow when she reached 200 pounds. seriously now. like...why does weight matter SO much?? goodness.

Winfrey finds herself tipping the scales again, telling AP Television last week that she has yet to choose a gown for President-elect Barack Obama’s inaugural ball next month.

“I had a dress on the vision board, but I’m not sure that’s gonna fit,” Winfrey said. “So I have to work on something else.”

In the latest “O” magazine article, Winfrey writes that she hit rock bottom when she wanted to skip out on an April 26 taping with Cher and Tina Turner in Las Vegas.

“I felt like a fat cow,” Winfrey writes. “I wanted to disappear.”

(http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28139107/, 11 december 2008)

yes i know people who are obese have a higher risk for heart problems and so weiter und so weiter, but oprah didnt cite the reason for her concern as being health problems. no..she talked about the dress she had planned on wearing to the inauguration. i used to really respect oprah for what she has done not just for african americans in broadcast journalism but also for the field in general. but a little bit of that respect has been lost.

she knows that people listen to her opinions and many unfortunately quote her opinions as being fact. or automatically use what she says without really thinking and apply it to their lives. i am sure that a some valuable percentage of her audience are obese women. what are these women to think? oprah felt like a fat cow at 200 lbs, so i must really be a cow at 220? or 225?

yes, our nation has a problem with weight management, but we also have a problem with weight obsession. i think this problem is far more grave. and keeping consistent with just about everything else that we do, we pretend that we care about weight for one reason when really it is another.

we dont care about weight because we care about our health. we are overconcerned about weight because of how it makes us look. and that is the truth. or else we wouldnt starve ourselves of solid food by going on liquid diets. give me a break. what aniamals in nature feed on water alone? we have teeth. i think thats a clear sign that we are supposed to eat solid food.

or we starve ourselves of certain nurtrients because its the fast way to weight loss.

oh no honey, im not eating bread this week.

oh...no thanks. ill skip the fruit. im on that new diet.

oh just protein for me for a few weeks. gotta look good for summer!

you mean SICK?

I dont know why this has affected me so much. perhaps because i am starting to see my heimatland through german lenses. but this is a problem.

so take care if you tune into oprah on her january 5th show. she is planning to "speak candidly" about her weight. who knows what she might say? maybe it will be good and helpful. but it could also be pretty damaging; thorns in shiny wrapping paper.

covered in sauce.

drive went well

2008-12-05T13:35:00.000-08:00

im safe.

was rather boring.

mitfahrgelegenheit

2008-12-04T15:12:00.000-08:00

so tomorrow, at 3 30 pm in hamburg harburg i am to meet a stranger and get in his car and drive 5 hours south to frankfurt. should i take a knife with me? or some sort of stinging eye spray? or should i brush up on my taekwondo skills?

www.mitfahrgelegenheit.de

mit: with
fahr: fahren: drive
gelegenheit: opportunity, bargain

its basically like hitchhiking, but on the internet.

it was recommended to me by many people, and apparently its really safe.

it makes sense that Germans would be into something like this because it helps with gas costs and it is good for the environment, but it doesnt change the fact that its scary.

but its good because i can get to frankfurt for less than half the costs.

most likely this person (whos name i dont even know) wont be a mörderer.

but what if its something just as bad....like if he has b.o.?

5hrs cooped up in a car with smelly armpit strange foreign person......hmm...i just may kill myself.

edit: i was going to end the blog there but then i read it once published and noticed it was all a bit grim. so i added this. because i know my mom worries.

"But there is always the chance that everything could go absolutely smooth and wonderful!!!!"

really, what if hes sooperdooper nice and we become best friends?

:::smile:::

my throat

2008-12-02T08:41:00.000-08:00

hurts.

bad.

why you should always pee before getting on a train, part 2: the ticket machine.

2008-11-28T07:16:00.001-08:00

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

"meine damen und herren auf gleis 19, wilkommen in Frankfurt..."

so there you have it. ifinally made it to frankfurt. i got off of the train and ran directly to platform 9, from where my earlier train was scheduled to depart. sometimes trains can be up to an hour late...so i wanted to make sure this wasnt the case here. and it wasnt. my train was long gone...probably halfway to lüneburg by now.

okay, i thought, so what should i do now?

guess i gotta buy another ticket, i smartly answered myself - determined to keep my composure.

breathe, keith. thats right. in and out. you will be fine. fiiiiiine, just fine. so...where should we go? aha here. reisebüro...the customer service place.

i walked up to the large glass doors with red and blue trimmings and they politely slid open.

hundreds. it must have been hundreds of people in there. there was no way i would get to talk to a customer service rep. i would have to wait at least three hours in line. why were there so many people!??!?!? oh nevermind that. i needed to get on a train. and i needed to get on a train NOW!

breathe, keith.

i looked over to my left and in another room were shorter lines of people waiting to use what looked like ATM machines. but they werent atm machines. instead, they were atm train ticket type thingy machines. so i guess you could buy tickets from one of these. i decided to give it a shot.

the first scene displayed various flags,which i took to represent the languages you could use. i clicked on the british flag.

PLEASE SELECT YOUR DEPARTURE LOCATION.

okay...cool this is easy. frankfurt hauptbahnhof, i tapped.

PLEASE SELECT YOUR DESTINATION.

hmm...where is the L...? Okay L.

and...Ü

annnnnnnd N

aha! There it is. The name Lüneburg appeared on the screen. I clicked it.

...

...

...

...

I clicked it again.

PLEASE SELECT YOUR DEPARTURE LOCATION.

breathe keith.

FRANKFURT!

PLEASE SELECT YOUR DESTINATION.

breeaaaaaathe. its okay.

L!
Ü!
N!
E!

LÜNEBURG!

I tapped on the screen firmly and carefully. Good it worked. Next screen.

DO YOU HAVE A BAHN CARD?

I tapped Yes.

DO YOU HAVE A BAHN C-?

YESSSSSSSSSSS!

HOW MANY TRAVELLERS?

I tapped ONE.

FIRST OR SECOND CLASS?

I tapped SECOND.

good this is going well,i thought.

WHEN WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEPART?

I tapped IMMEDIATELY, thinking i was close to finally getting my ticket.

WHEN WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEPART?

I tapped IMMEDIATELY again...

WHEN WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEPART?

IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!

PLEASE SELECT YOUR DESTINATION.

...
...

...

...

I wanted to scream.

"Excuse me," a voice said from behind me.

WHAT? I shouted, turning around. A line had formed behind me. A quite long line. And the woman next after me was looking at me, puzzled.

" Do you need some help?" She asked, politely through thick Middle Germany tones.

NO! I DONT NEED ANY HELP! NO IM FINE!!!!!!

I jerked back around and started in again.

DEPARTURE. FRANKFURT.

DESTIFREAKINNATION. LÜNEBURG.

BAHNCARD? YES.
BAHNCARD? YES!!!!!
BAHNCARD....?

oh please dont do this to me please dont do this to me....

I caaaaarrrrrreeeeeefffffullly tapped Yes and closed my eyes hoping it would work oh please work oh please work....

...

...
...

....

...

PLEASE SELECT YOUR DESTINATION.

GAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I turned around remorsefully....and I didnt even need to ask.

"Where you trying to get to?" The lovely woman asked, and she bought my ticket for an ICE train that was scheduled to leave at 6 30. Which was in just fifteen minutes.

something wonderful

2008-11-24T13:14:00.000-08:00

i am just bored. and slight sleepy. and i havent started my homework. because i dont do homework anymore. i dont put forth enough effort.

i got a b in the last semester of german class. not because i am dumb. but because i simply didnt do homework or turn anything in. on my paper i wrote about the minimum age of alcohol consumation in the usa, i got a b minus. because i simply wrote the thing entirely in german and didnt proofread it and just turned it in. it was horb.

but then on the final exam i got 98 out of 100. so i know i can do this. its just a matter of discipline and motivation.

its striking, because i am here now for three months, and although ich "schon gut Deutsch spreche," i feel like i am not advancing in anyway personally...which really means SPIRITUALLY.

i had a thought the other day as i was sitting in the hamburg train station. from now on i am referrring to a TRAINSTATION as HAUPTBAHNHOF. (i.e. frankfurt hauptbahnhof, hamburg hauptbahnhof, lüneburg bahnhof....)...

anyway. so i was sitting in the train station and i was talking to God. and i was like...

....dude...im so sorry that other things are more important to me than you. that really sucks on my part. and i just...dont know...NO i KNOW what to do. but...frankly i dont want to give them up...because then i would feel empty. and i am so sorry that you brought me here to really spend time and grow with you and i havent been working on that. please dont give up on me.

and i waited for an answer. all i heard was the begging of the poor people and i smelled the wonderful smell of pretzels and noodles and hotdogs. and the classical music over the loudspeaker being interrupted every two seconds with notifications of platform changes.

and suddenly from all of that. from the voices and the smells and the cold air thats so cold when you breathe it in it gives you a headache....

i realized that i have made SOME progress. because my hunger to get to know my Creator and Savior has GROWN. miraculously from all of these distractions. i have managed to grow in my desire to get to know God more. isnt that interesting??

so it means im close, right? i am close to finally making those steps. those decisions.

and i also realized that those steps and decisions are not very big at all. All i need to do is barely put one foot in front of the other...and the strength to do the rest comes from Him. Mmmm, thank God.

and as I sat there...listening to Debussy floating in an out of children laughing and bits of harsh german tossed into the still, cold afternoon air, i realized how much i trust God.

"God...i just realize I trust you...! I trust you! I do!"

it was such an interesting experience. Because i thought i DIDNT trust God...because of my actions...but i DO. and thats whats so weird. my actions lately have NOT be lining up with who i really am, on the inside. with my identity...my true identity. not the one that the world has created for me.or that i have created myself...but the one that God planned for me.

and as i write this i am suddenly so thankful...for...iono...everything. so here are just a few pictures of things that God put into my life that I am super thankful for.

for things that go good together. peas and carrots. pb and j. snow and hot chocolate. jud and aurora.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

for things that sometimes dont go well together but make an interesting trip to amsterdam. because james and keri are so different but so alike. because they want similar things in life. and i want those things too. and because they are both wonderful and beautiful people. and i hate the fact that are leaving.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

because who knew that ducks were such hams?

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

and i am thankful for palaces. especially when they are free and open to the public. im moving in next week. haha kidding. i bet youd visit then though, wouldnt you tk?

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

i am thankful that there are others who are bigger potter nerds than me...

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

...for modern plumbing.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

for a really awesome german teacher. who is a very patient and beautiful person.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

for the buzzing atmosphere of a bahnhof at 5 pm.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

for hungarians, who are generous with their alcohol. who are oppressed in romania. who made me swear never to forget hungary and the struggle. we had had a little too much to drink. but i promised never to forget. and sealed that with a hug that lasted past one thousand three. and so i cant forget now. long live hungary. long live zoly and peter.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

for archie.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

for snow.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

for the garden in winter.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

and the park.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

and the way to school.

From herbst, und der anfang des winters

christmas in deutschland is like explosive diarrhea

2008-11-15T23:50:00.000-08:00

because its everywhere. literally everywhere. and even though you had a sense that it was coming, it still managed to creep up on you. the only difference is, here in germany its beautiful. and you want it to last.

...

Kennst du der Mutter Künste nicht?
Wähnst du,die Alles klug erwägt,
Ohne Rath in fremdes Land
hätt sie mit dir mich entsand?
Tristan und Isolde, Act I Scene III

There is nothing like the view of Hamburg from a compartment of a departing train at night. The city of water shimmers golden at sunset, but at night, it is silver. Quiet and lonely ships dock at the harbors the on Elbe. And in the water, by silver light waves the smudged reflection of the cathedrals. And of the counstruction. And of cars on the bridges and passes. And of oversized billboards. And of street lamps. What class. What...wealth. There you have it. Another reason to fall in love with Hamburg. It feels good, you know? And I wish I had brought my headphones with me. Because it is rude to listen to your music outloud on a train. Even though this one woman did a few weeks ago when I was headed – once again – down to Hesse for voice lessons. I kept looking back at her, but I guess she didn’t get the message.

But, who would go well with this view? Mahler? He conducted the Staatsoper here for a number of years? Handel? He played the Harpsichord here and wrote a number of operas to be performed here? Or how about someone totally unrelated…how about Coldplay? Hmm…interesting thought. I don’t even own a Coldplay CD.

***

I promise I am learning lots. But I cannot promise that I am working hard. Because I am not. Because I am unmotivated. Because it is all up to me now. And because everything that I have experienced has truly led me to this point and I need to muster it up and use it. There is a beautiful and spooky moment in Act I of Tristan und Isolde, when Brangäne reminds Isolde, who is on the break of a complete breakdown, of her mother´s magical arts. She opens a chest to reveal a hidden stash of small bottles – potions that were made before the trip to England in the event that they would be needed on the journey. One for pain and wounds. One, an antidote for poison. One for love. One for death…

I wish she had one for motivation.

***

And you should really always pee before getting on a train. Because not all of them have restrooms. or WCs, as they are called here. The S Bahn from Wiesbaden to Frankfurt, which can take up to an hour, surely does not:

And as I said goodbye to Rori and Jud one unusually warm Sunday afternoon, I ignored the sensation that my bladder needed to be emptied. Because it was small. Only a prickling or so.

And I hopped on the Number 14 Bus to the bus station. do i have to pee? nah, i dont want to miss my train...

And at the train station. oh... i will just use it on the train.

And finally, on the train. "Zurück bleiben bitte..." said the automated lady on the intercom. And waversaway stood back, and the doors slid shut, and locked, and I looked for a restroom and then there was none. And I had a sense of impending doom.

There are about ten stops from Wiesbaden to Frankfurt,which is why the S Bahn takes so much time. I thought I had gotten on the Regional Bahn,which only makes about three stops. And so you can understand why I was sweating and shaking by about stop 5.

dont think about it, I told myself. just dont think about it.

and in all of the empty train, some man with a beer...yes you can drink beers on the trains here...came and sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME. no..not across....RIGHT NEXT TO. like right there...

although it was annoying,,it gave me something to think about instead of peeing on myself and having to be the peepee boy on the train for four hours on the way back to north germany.

and so at stop seven it was unbearable. so unbearable that as the doors opened, i grabbed my bags, bolted off the train, ran to the bush, and peed the most glorious pee i have ever peed in my life right in the adjacent parking lot.

oh hurry, I thought, trying to make it come out faster. hurry hurry! i was eyeing the train, hoping it wouldnt leave before i was empty. come on come on comeoncomeoncomeon!

but apparently i had had too much to drink that day.

"Zurück bleiben, bitte..." I heard the automated voice say. And my stomach dropped to my knees midstream. Oh no!!!!!

Im stuck in Podunkdorf, Germany and Im going to miss my train!

I peed for perhaps another 30 seconds, stared back attitudingly at the Mother and Son crossing the parking lot, zipped up carefully, and went to check the schedule.

AN HOUR?!?!?!??

OH NO!!!!!!!!!!

The stupid schedule told me I had to wait an hour until the next train would come to take me to the train station in Frankfurt. I would definitely miss my train, which was scheduled to depart in ten minutes. So I sat, dejected on a bench, and watched the sky gray and darken,because the sun sets in the afternoon here. And I was sad, and worried. Because it was Sunday. and Because I had never missed a train before. Because I was unsure of how I would get home then. Would I have to go some roundabout way? Wouold there still be a connection to Hamburg?

Would I be stuck in Wiesbaden for the night and have to miss school?

Stay tuned for how things turn out in Act II. Its quite an interesting story.

Rote Rosen

2008-10-21T03:33:00.001-07:00

this is a soap opera filmed in and around lüneburg. in the opening credits, you can see parts of the beautiful town. isnt it nice?
the other day i accidentally walked onto the set while they were prepping for filming on my way to school.

cant sleep!

2008-10-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

so i decided to drop by just to say hi!

hope things are well in the states!

today i had the worst stomach ache.

2008-10-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

i thought i was going to die. ooh Lord it was bad. so i think i might be allergic to nutella.

on the other hand, i joined one of the gyms here in town so hopefully i am going to get swole. one of the kids, derek, is like going to help me get swole so when i come back to the states everybody is going to be whispering to each other

what happened to keith?

...got swole, child. that boy done went to germany and got swole.

taking pictures is no easy task.

2008-10-13T03:39:00.001-07:00

not when autumn has completely set in, in warm-golden-red-and-orange lüneburg.
the city is mostly foggy and sometimes still sleepy.
but the park behind my house is bathed in red and golden yellow and orange in the afternoons, because the leaves are falling. and its most stunning when a breeze runs through the fields, or through the pathways leading the university, and then they come, shimmering golden to the earth. if you reach for your camera then you miss it, but you would love to take a picture.

sometimes things in nature are only to be savored, and stored in the back of the mind, where it will eventually whither and fade, and the colors will get a little messed up...like an old photo exposed to too much light, but that is how it goes. that is simply how it must be. this is what i have learned in the past couple of weeks.

the same goes for beautiful and odd places. like berlin.

fortunately, when you go back to berlin, you can relive...more or less...the moments that you shared with keri and julian when you went before. more or less...

like accidentally ending up in the wrong side of town.

From berlin

the opera, which was smaller than you thought, but never the less, stunning.

From berlin

the wonderful beer at the cute little restaurant (it was kind of expensive though!) across from the opera.

From berlin

billboards.

From berlin

things that are more important now than they were in the past.

From berlin

things that are less important now than they will be in the future.

From berlin

perspective, and warnings from a common history.

From berlin

sometimes i believe that somewhere a little piece of me, perhaps a part of my pinky toe, or some little vein that runs through my heart has vowed to itself and its neighboring lifetissues that it will sing here. that it will sing here, and that it will be successful in doing it. thats cute isnt it?

From berlin

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
and archie is sick.
i almost died crossing the street because i wanted to turn
but the wheel didnt go the same way the handlebars did.
so i nearly ran into this old lady which would have knocked her
into oncoming traffic.
i would have been okay, but would have died of shame and guilt.

so apparently there is some screw or something that is loose.
but one cant find tools in lüneburg,

wanna know how i know??

because everything in my little apartment has officially broken.
and i am about to lose my mind.

the other day i sit down on my bed to put on my shoes,
and KAPLAT!
the bed collapses.

and the shower leaks.

and of course, the commode, or wardrobe, which was broke from day one,

but never fixed.

perche, perche signor!!?!??!?!?!?

ca-rooooooooooooooda sorte, indeed.

and ive been asking my resident director and his assistants to do something about it
and nothing.

okay, so they have finally bought me a new wardrobe, but it requires tools,
and apparently, i have to assemble it by myself and find tools on my own.

the bed, it seems, will require a little more nagging before it is either fixed or replaced.

until then, i have sleeples nights and backpain.

and a faux bad attitude whenever i walk into the ausländer büro.

berlin

2008-10-02T16:45:00.001-07:00

is colorful.

AND ANOTHER THING...

2008-09-30T07:57:00.001-07:00

here are some pictures

more coming soon.

and next time i am sure i will not have an attitude.

From mr ivy does luneburg

thats me and archie.

From mr ivy does luneburg

thats me and keri in my backyard with the little apfelbaum

From mr ivy does luneburg

here is a nice view of the restaurant where me and keri and kim ivy had dinner on kims visit to hamburg. around that time, houston was gearing up for ike.

k ciao

p.s.i feel a little better, and while its still cloudy outside, its let up a little so we can see a pretty decent sunset.

twilight here is normally quite eventful for a foreigner like me.

nothing like being perturbed to give you a reason to blog.

2008-09-30T06:53:00.001-07:00

yeah, long time no blog...

...

...

...

...

...and? whatre you waiting for, me to 'pologize?

what so you can make a fuss too?

what is it with you people? i mean, seriously. i write, or atleast try to write coherent blogs that are both informative and entertaining. mind you, everytime i want to use the internet i must either

a. use a public computer, a PC at that. vomit.
b. bike to the university, sneak into a locked building to plug my stupid laptop into a socket and use the wireless because my battery has died and i need electrical for my laptop, which is really now a mobile desktop.

and i dont write these stupid things for my own personal enjoyment...no...because IIIIIIII know whats going on in my life. yes, surprise. and so i write them and nobody responds, or people get all bent out of shape when i dont update every day when nobody actually everrrrrr writes me. or they get mad when i only write short blogs when normally i get eems of equal length or shorter...okay okay that excludes momma mike tk and sometimes raines.

but where in the world is everybody else???? SOMEONE PLEASE GET A CLUE!!!!!

the sun doesnt shine any more in luneburg, isnt that fantastic?????

it wont come out again until may, thats what the locals say. and their happy butts are just walking around and going to school and crap. UM HELLO HAS ANYBODY NOTICED THAT ITS BEEN RAINING FOR TWO DAYS??!?!?!??!?! AND YOURE TELLING ME ITS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS FOR THE REST OF MY TIME HERE?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!? AND IM SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WITH THAT????!?!?!?!?

so of course i got sick. and no i couldnt go to my STUPID voice lesson last weekend. and this coming weekend ME AND KERI AND JULIAN ARE GOING TO BERLIN.

YES
we are going to berlin

DO
YOU
HAVE
A
PROBLEM
WITH
THATß?!?!?!??!ß

yes??? you say??? you have a problem with that?

oh well that just absolutelyfanfreakintastic.

but may i ask why??

are YOUUUUUUUUU the one making the 4 and ahalf hour trip evvvvvery friday from luneburg to frankfurt? sometimes sitting on the floor because you couldnt make a seat reservation??

TELL ME are YOUUUUU the one working 7 days a week. monday through friday doing stupid german exercises and going to class and crap and then o crap i have to practice but i cant practice between 1 and 3 because my stupid neighbor wants to take a nap in the middle of the freaking day so maybe i can cook lunch now and then go to the university and use the internet to write a blog and maybe do some homework and then maybe come back but o crap its raining so i might have to stay here but i dont have any internet

öööööööööööööööööööööööööööööööööö

if you havent noticed by now, i have an attitude today.

and there are three main causes for my attitude.

1. its been raining for two days, and this dreary weather is supposed to last until may. i shudder at the thought, and when i go outside.

2. german language is freaking hard and i cant stand not being able to communicate properly with people. plus the more german i learn, the harder it is for me to speak english properly. so i forget words like fire station and cilantro and ....

shoot...whats the name of the person who pick...GARBAGE TRUCK. yes...that.

see??

3. finally the big cahoona. last week i was sick. i got a cold...must have been the shift in weather. and i was sneezing and coughing and snotting up a storm. so i decided to NOT have a voice lesson (bad idea, i think not) in order to rest the voce.

but the problem is keri and i had been planning on having a weekend excursion to berlin on the first weekend in october, which happens to fall on the weekend after my body decided to let the germs have their way.

it happens to also be a ferierwochenende in deutschland because they celebrate reunification on that friday, so we have that friday off after taking final exams that thursday.

naturally i wanted to do something fun. and yes voice lessons DO happen to be my idea of fun, but they are a tad stressful,and i have never been to berlin. and i would love to go to berlin.

seeing as i can NOT skip class to travel,and i dont have weekends free.. SOMEONE PLEEEEASE TELL ME WHEN I WILL FIND TIME TO TRAVEL????

PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME

looks like there will be some weekends that im NOT going to travel for a halfday on friday afternoon and lug my heavy backpack around and pay the fifty bucks per lesson plus food for the weekend and blah blah blah to have voice lessons.

yes its wonderful. the lessons are absolutely fantastic. but they do require a great deal of energy from me BEFORE and AFTER the lesson because lots of travel is involved....

so when i tell my voice teacher that i am not coming next weekend she sounds upset at me???

BACK UP

UPSET????

EXCUSE ME????ß

what for????

"well...were going to have to speak about this because this is not good for your development"

"excuse me!??"

"you havent had a lesson in two weeks, and that is not good.."

"but i didnt plan on getting sick...and i had planned this trip to berlin weeks ago..."

and what i failed to say was...

oh and by the way...i have a momma she is in the us...so you dont have to do that, ok precious????

allllllright.
buhbai

actually i got a 93!

2008-09-22T16:39:00.001-07:00

hey uncle ant!

yep.

2008-09-19T02:25:00.001-07:00

didnt do so hot on that one.

oh well.

greetings from another planet

2008-09-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

things are flatlining here in sleepyandgettingquitecoldlately lüneburg.

i officially need a haircut, which has been the source of a great deal of stress.

i am less confident that the deutsch test will go well on friday because i have not been studying.

tomorrow the representative from the internet company i found is coming to my apartment but i wont be there so hopefully i wont get robbed.

but if i do i hope he takes that one shirt i dont like so i have reason to buy a newer, better one. i am from america.

hope its not too late to register to vote.

palin looks like tina fey.

and i really like michelle obama.

b-rock is aiight.

and a good day to you all.

brrr.

2008-09-16T08:20:00.001-07:00

cold today.

my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface...

2008-09-15T05:45:00.000-07:00

my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface my downstairs neighbor is not a buttface

he is just german, and therefore very forward, which may come across as unfriendly.

guten tag people.
sorry that i haven't written much lately. things have just been a tad crazy around here.

the first week of my german class was tough. trying to find the classes, navigate the lüneburg bus schedule, test into the right class, and then find that one, do all my homework, find time to eat, check up on hurricane news, blahblahblah. i just did not have much time to write.

but it was a successful week, i guess. seeing as the on end of the week exam (there is one every friday) i got a 97. having not taken a german class for a year, id say thats pretty impressive.

but woe to he who becomes cocky...its monday here in sleepycoldandkindasneezy luneburg, and it looks as if this week will be tougher than the last.

i had a meeting with my leherin (professor) ute, and she said that i should be just fine.

i might be getting internet on thursday, if my downstairs neighbor waits on the installation guy for me. i am going to be at school. so i knocked on his door to ask if he could let the guy into my flat for me, and when i knocked i heard a sigh from the other side of the door and instead of greeting me with Hi! when he opened it, he said (with a tinnnnnnge of an attitude) YES!?!

After explaining my situation, he told me that that will be fine, but still sounded like he had an attitude.

i get that a lot here, from many germans. apparently they are just...forward. well, maybe i should be "forward" back with them...and see how they like it.

spent the wochenende (weekend) in wiesbaden, near frankfurt, with rori. jud was off in france singing some rossini gig. i had two stressful voice lessons.

i guess i should talk a little about my teacher.

her name is neumar starling. she is brazilian by birth, and is the best tenor in all of deutschland.

she is sweet, grandmommylike, but tough as nails and doesnt play around. she is stricter than king, less academic, and uses lots of imagery. however, her technique is strikingly similar. strikingly. the woman knows her stuff. she likes me. and i like her. boy is she sweet. i am lucky to have found her. Gottseidank.

so far we are working on lining my voice up through the entire range, and slowly strengthening the muscles that will allow my top to be more present. its hard work, but fun with her. its so nice to study voice in a low stress situation. i think i sing better that way.

at rice i was so stressed, but come to think of it... i have finished my degree...the german lessons dont HAVE to count toward graduation. and the fellowship is paying for the voice lessons.

so the only thing i have to do is practicepracticepractice...and learn german...and i dont necessarily have to get an A. of course i have to work on my german to keep up...so theres the motivation...but other than that...no stress.

woohoo.

i guess it just dawned on me that i may be kinda lucky....

or...as jud told me the other day as we were coming back from the final dress of his don giovanni "no, man...its called blessed. blessed..."

i must be blessed. blessed, thank God my family is okay.

perhaps even favored.

americans are here

2008-09-09T07:11:00.001-07:00

and boy do they try to impress one another.

look at em go...

besides the no hot water thing the first night,

i think this is the first time that i have actually

been annoyed

since i got here.

pavarotti was not human and here is proof

2008-09-03T15:40:00.000-07:00

because no human can produce sound this beautiful

liszt and debussy were related and here's proof

2008-09-03T15:31:00.001-07:00

"found the quotation marks"

2008-09-03T11:54:00.001-07:00

thanks jorge!

My computer tells me that it is the first of January, 1970.

2008-09-02T10:13:00.000-07:00

Apparently my iPimp is losing its mind.

Actually it’s the first of September, 2008. And I am on the intercity express from Lüneburg to Frankfurt am Main, where I will then take the S Bahn to Wiesbaden, and spend the week having fun with friends and learning how to sing.

Furthermore, I am convinced that quotation marks do not exist in the German-speaking world. I cannot find them, for the life of me, on any keyboard I use. How could one exist without quotation marks? Really, what kind of society goes about successfully without using them? How does one e-gossip? Or express ones outermost thoughts in a relatively short hand?

Oh well, I shall try to find a temporary symbol that I can use to let my readers know when they are reading hesayshesay. Let’s try a few possibilities. Shall we?

1. The colon.

:I would gladly walk you home,: I said. I thought it would be a nice gesture. Because I had my bike with me and she was on foot, and even though I lived further away from the hauptbahnhof, I knew the last leg my my journey would be quicker than hers. Keri declined graciously. :Nah, it’s okay,: she said. :I’ll just be sleepwalking the whole way anyway.: She yawned and I caught it. So I yawned too.

2. The asterisk.

*Boy, you’ve been sipping on that wine for a while!* She said. And I was like *I know!* and then she decided to order another beer because it was taking me way too long to finish my drink and we both decided that my glass kept refilling itself between sips. That thought gave us a good laugh, as we sat with nothing particular to do but contemplate life and art as we occasionally shuddered from the growing chill.

3. The umlaut.

Convinced that we had searched the entire floor, we resigned to asking the uniformed man standing near the doorway. I gulped, and began, for Keri had absolutely refused to do it. Let it be noted that I started louder than I had expected, and my voice reverberated unfortunately through the marble floored halls because deepdeep down inside I still believe that volume can overcome language barriers. ¨Endschuldigung?¨ I began. This is where I realized I was too loud. And even the following whisper was quite raspy and unwelcome in the beautiful hall.

¨Endschuldi…yes um, okay here we go. Wo ist Raum einz zwei zwei??¨ And he kindly responded, ¨ iô5(i:É ˜ú9≈• die erste ©h? ™^9 am rechts 6ÖYN¬!!!! < U:”b√y T â4¢, und dann ®ä+ D‰TyÃ N!˜#h}< ‘#¡P¸≤¡® 2ÂÇ¯®øÑt, okay? Tschüss!¨

***

And then the conductor came over the loud speaker to say that we were four minutes away from the Frankfurt trainstation. So i had to shut down my computer and prepare to exit the train. I went to the back where the bikes were stored, grabbed Archie (no longer whatshisname) and exited, with my backpack, my little black bag and Archie of course, and set off for Wiesbaden.

And about Archie. Someone just called it to my attention that Archie is actually a girl...Hmm. He is purple and black (so they tell me) and there is no rod to go across the main frame. But unfortunately that was after I had decided on the name. So I guess the poor thing is doomed to questioning his sexuality. Either that or being made fun of. We make a good pair.

And so now my computer tells me it is 20:18 and I have had a voice lesson today, my first, and dinner. And I am in Wiesbaden for the week, as I may have said earlier. But I am getting ahead of myself. I started this blog yesterday on the train to let everyone know about my cool experience in Hamburg.

Okay. Here we go.

This is Keri. She is really nice. She will be in my language class hopefully so we can hang out because we get along well. She is American.

She is also an artist. So we decided to go to Hamburg to the Kunsthalle to see famous art. This is where I had to check my bag at the door. So there are no pictures from the Kunsthalle. The art museum was very nice. And big too! It took us forever to find the modern art, but we did, after I asked for directions. But the directions didn't help at all. That was just the order of how things went.

There is more on the subject of art, but later in the post. I realize now the whole thing is getting quite long and I am barely through the entire day.

Remind me to come back to the Kunsthalle. But for now, on to the Alterfest.

More than once a year, all of Hamburg comes together for a days long festival full of drinking, music, fried fish, water stunts, currywurst, bread, more drinking, döners, crepes, and more drinking. But only once a year do they allow themselves to call this event the Alterfest.

From hamburg alterfest and fischmarkt

I think it is impossible to describe in words and pictures how many people turned out for this one. Really, it was just way too many.

From hamburg alterfest and fischmarkt

And what, exactly does it celebrate? I have no idea! But there are tubs and tubs of pickles.

______________

And after the Alterfest, we went to cafe gnosa, where we talked art and opera and songs and death and love and ...whew...lots of other things.

Keri told me that she will study German expressionism while she is here, and she was particularly smitted by a certain painting that she saw at the museum, which she will research for the entire year that she is in germany, ultimately writing a sort of dissertation on it, and getting credit at her home institution.

I ordered a glass of wine, and she ordered a beer. Our conversation lasted for hours ... three at least... and I was sipping my wine too slowly, so she ordered another. This was the first of many beers for her.

______________

At about 2300 we were heading back to the trainstation, but both secretly wanting to stay in Hamburg.

So we were off to a night of dancing in St. Pauli, where we would stay until the famed 5 AM Hamburgische Fischmarkt.

From hamburg alterfest and fischmarkt

St. Pauli was...interesting. Moving on.

From hamburg alterfest and fischmarkt

The Hamburg Fischmarkt begins on Sundays at 5 AM. Truckloads of vendors move into the harbor near St. Pauli with fresh fish and all sorts of other non-edible items.

From hamburg alterfest and fischmarkt

Keri and I bought fresh fish kebabs. They were good. The vendor really liked Keri. I could tell because Keri got five pieces of Fisch, and I only got four.

But soon Keri began to feel sick. Too much beer. Too little sleep. I was starting to fade too.

The sun rose. And the rest of the harbor began to wake.

From hamburg alterfest and fischmarkt

It was soon on the bus for us. Our minds were so exhausted. Our bodies were even more so. I felt like I had to get home as quick as possible, to get to my bed before my imminent collapse.

From hamburg alterfest and fischmarkt

And when we got to the train station, SURPRISE! We had to wait two hours before the next train home.

So we sat in a glass box in the middle of platform A to escape the noise of grinding steel and the smell of burning tar. And french fries.

From hamburg alterfest and fischmarkt

And after a sleepy train back to a sleepy dewwy and slightlygoldenbecauseofthemorning Lüneburg, we parted at the train station. Keri politely refused my offer to walk her home.

__________________

But on the question of art:

Remember the piece of artwork that really captivated Keri? She couldn't stop thinking about it. It had totally made an impression on her. And, well, see I have always considered myself an appreciator of visual art, but now I am not so sure. It just seems so dead to me, just sitting there on the walls. Is it due to my colorblindness? Poor Archie. Perhaps I would have known he was a girl if only I could see that he was purple, and not blue. It just seems so dead. And the statues. The way they sit there, insubordinately anticlimactically stubbornly. Refusing to move. Refusing to be real. Incapable of dancing.

But music.

Music is alive. It floats in the air, and you can hear it down the hall, and through the walls. And you can feel it when it is near. And you don't have to ask for directions because sometimes it just finds you.

And I...yeah...I can say I definitely appreciate music. Even in the most unlikely situations.

Like the Chilean pan flutist at the Alterfest.

Or the sounds of heels shattering the glassy silence of the exhibit halls.

Or the bass of disco tracks vibrating even the brick outside the Wunderbar.

Or sqawks of seagulls and harsh bits of german tossed into the nippy morning air at the autumn harbor.

the ''mother of all storms''?

2008-08-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

houston people, you have got to let me know what's going on. the weather here is the most beautiful i have ever seen, but in houston the forecast sounds grim.

so...you all should let me know what preparations are being made and what the general plan is.

oh, and p.s. that should be like...now.

my apartment.

2008-08-24T05:01:00.001-07:00

it is modest. but i like it because it is mine. and because it is bright.

i could kick something.

2008-08-23T09:14:00.000-07:00

these are more pics from hamburg.

Today I woke up, at 11 30 and showered and got on my bike (which im still trying to find a name for) and set off for the city, determined to make it a good half-day by buying groceries and getting a basket for whatsitsname and finding a good, cheap cell phone service….and do other things that would make me feel productive.

Hold on I think my sandwich is done, brb.

…
…
..
….
…
…
..
…
…

no, not yet, but I just put some cheese on it so thatäll be good.

Anyway. So its pretty much going well until I find out as I get halfway into the city, which is about a three to five minute bike ride from my flat, that I forgot to put on deodorant. Ughf! But that was only the first thing.

So im walking around the city with my Israeli friend Liat, who moved here a year ago with her boyfriend, and we are buying stuff and stuff and it takes us forever to find rubbing alcohol! Like, seriously people… and then when I do find it, it comes in a teeny weeny bottle about this big and it costs a big toe and a pinky. Are. You. Serious.

But that’s not why I want to kick something. No... no…its coming.

So me and Liat finish up in the city and go our separate ways and I come home and try out this electric razor that I bought from this store named Rossmann or something and I don’t even think to read the directions because I assume that they are in Greek I mean German. And so I get to shaving and all of a sudden the thing cuts off and I’m like oh no. and so I look at the directions and Lo! And Behold! They are in german and english. And it says please charge before use. Charging can take from 4 – 6 hours. Oh gnome! So I look at myself in the mirror and half of me is shaven and half not. I do believe in Harvey Dent.

So I stay here and clean up a tidy up the apartment a little bit and decide that I should just go and get the grocery shopping done. So I make a semi-list of things to buy and I head out on whatsitsname to the grocery store. And I get there and I kinda get lost on the way but I eventually find it and I almost run into this otherguyonabike when I get there. but everything’s cool and so I get in there and its all good (can you tell it’s coming???) and I start shopping and im checking out stuff all good and relaxin all cool when a couple of guys they were up to no good…

…no no for real. So this lady comes up to me and she’s like somethingsomethingsomethingsomethingverschliessen? And I’m like oh no…not verschliessen…I know that word. And I’m like WHAT? In disbelief and she looks at me the way you look at an auslander and she raises her voice a little when she speaks because that is how natives talk to foreigners and she says in her best American accent:

CLOSED.

And I go: NOW?
And she looks at her armbanduhr (wristwatch, arm band uhr…uhr is hour, or time or something) and she says to me, in the same way as before:

FOUR O CLOCK!

And she briskly walks away but not so briskly…more with a condescending attitude and that’s why it may have seemed brisk to me but I knew what she was up to.

And so I took the one item I had found by then and put it back on the shelf trying to find where I found it exactly but eventually giving up and thinking this is
Absolutely ridiculous!

The grocery store closes at four? People…! Come on.

And so that’s why I could have kicked something.

And another thing. Here’s another reason why I could kick something but its related so I guess it should all go under the same category:

Grocery store closes at four on Saturday. And not open AT ALL on Sunday. So that means I have to wait to buy groceries until MONDAY. But im like out of sandwhich stuff.

So I ride home all mad and I get here and I suddenly remember there is an apfelbaum in the backyard of the house my flat is in.

I had been trying to restrain myself from picking from the forbidden tree (nobody actually told me I could pick from it but nobody said I couldn’t either, so I imagine it’s complimentary and just goes with living here) so I pick three apples, two medium sized and one teeny weeny one (there are no large ones) and I bring them upstairs with me.

And so I wash them off and eat two of them. hey…not bad!

So I put a sandwich in the toaster and pour myself a nice tall glass of milk. So it looks like that will be it for me today as far as eating. I need to conserve Money!!!!!

What ive eaten today:

Piece of bread with a slice of cheese.
Two apples.
One sandwich with turkey and cheese.
Glass of milk.
Cup of orangeandcarrot juice.

Boy am I rambling today.

Achew!!!!!!!!
Uh oh. I’ve been sneezing a lot because the weather is up and down here. And last night I got caught in the rain when I was in the city so I had to ride back home in the storm. Not good.

Anyway. Give me time to make my flat look nice and ill put up pictures and stuff.

Um. Ok that’s all for today. Tschüss.

lüneburg smelled different today.

2008-08-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

these pictures are from my trip to hamburg. pictures of lüneburg, a much, much, much, much smaller town, are coming soon.

i have been dreaming of nothing but home. always people at home.
and in each dream i am always about to leave.
these dreams usually have been coming
after bouts of insomnia....an inablity of mine to fall asleep
due to ... the einsamkeit...the loneliness i experience here,
and my subsequent homesickness.

but last night i finally left them...the dream versions of my family and friends. and when i woke up again to sleepy overcast and damp lüneburg...it smelled different.

im sure it was the same breeze and the same sun and the same floor and ground and clouds...but...they seemed different.

i wonder if when i left home on august 15...if maybe i physically left but every other part of me remained...maybe insubordinately. i can imagine my patronus (some sort of cat?) clinging furiously to a lightpost or something at houston's bush intercontinental...or perhaps it overslept (snoring, mind you, but if you told it to stop snoring it would get mad and tell you that it doesn't snore and that you woke your own damn self up snoring and to leave it alone and maybe it would even tell you where you could go...) and missed the shuttle bus to the airport from that crappy hotel in philly.

whatever the case, it seems i have arrived. i am here. all of me.

more pictures soon, as soon as i can figure out how to rotate the sideways ones.

oh, and vids of me and my apartment soon. and maybe of the two friends i have made here.

it rains too much here.

2008-08-20T08:11:00.001-07:00

and my shower is clogged. so i bought some draining fluid. u can imagine how long that took.
i finally found a cheap watch and spent a few hours looking for the cheapest cell phone service.
i think i found it. the :cricket: of luneburg. its nice i guess.
im very bored, lonely, and sad. but i bought a companion today.
a bike.
one hundred euros.

dear scholarship check,

...anytime you're ready.

sincerely,
keith

Thoughts from a sleepilysleepysleepless first night:

2008-08-19T03:30:00.001-07:00

In Lüneburg now. Mleh. So many things are … just not right.

My apartment is way small, which is actually O.K.

If there’s one thing that I’m learning from living in Europe, it’s that the trend here is to only take what you need, and not more. Of course, there are exceptions, like beer and wine. Those are the things that you can splurge on. But meals and apartments and ice cream scoops are, relative to those in the U.S., small.

But there’s no hot water. Which will be a problem. And the apartment came with pets. Oh yes, spiders.
And my dresserdrawer is completely broken. So I put the shelves under my bed and will turn the whole thing around and push it upagainst the wall and use it to…put things on instead of in…until, of course, the landlord fixes it. Which he or she will. Or I will have to fulfill a few stereotypes.

I cannot find, for the life of me, how to work the heater, which you do need here. Even though it’s August.

It’s 22:55 here. It will be midnight before I know it, and I thought I had shaken off the jetlag. Apparently old habits die hard.

If you read my blog regularly, there seems to be a theme. Anticlimacticism. Word? Probably not.

But this experience falls in line with that theme. Lüneburg is especially anticlimactic. Perhaps it’s because I have to hold off showering until I can get hot water (it’s true. I will NOT shower if the water is not hot. Spoiled American? Probably.)

But Wiesbaden was wonderful. As you may know, I landed in Frankfurt early Sunday morning and old buddies hosted me in their wonderful apartment with two psychoticbutreallycute dogs. I feel like going for a walk. And there was a wine festival in Wiesbaden, where we were staying, which was really nice. But what was most wonderful to see is how J and A fit so well into their town. How when we walked down the cobblestoned streets of the Innenstadt, they waved to people they knew, or worked with. And their crazy friends, and the italian gelato vendors who help you speak italian if you try, and the glorious glorious döners you can buy from the Turkish cafes and the beautiful weather.

The train ride north to Lüneburg fell short of the Hogwartzian experience I had projected it to be. Way short. But maybe it was because I had 140 lbs of luggage (I wonder what that is in kilos…) with me. But it was just way too long (about 66 kg).

Some people were helpful. A nice gentleman told me where to leave my luggage. An even nicer gentleman pulled my luggage off the train when I got to sleepz, cold, and drizzly Lüneburg. And I repaid him by slipping off of the train and landing on his foot. Another nice gentleman showed me where to catch the bus, and finally two nice young women from the university showed me around the university and took me shopping.

The language barrier begins to close slowly. It’s amazing how much you accumulate in only a few days. (I reallllly want to go for a walk.)

I had a dream that might make some of you cry. Remember how I said I was jetlagged earlier? Well around six p.m. I came home to unpack everything, and this made me really really tired nostalgic slightly sad furiouswheninoticedthehotwaterdidntwork more sad more sad, and finally resigned. About seven thirty, after the floor had been vacummed, and revacummed, and the dresserdrawer had refused to comply with me for the last time, and my sweaters had reassured me that they were not going to unpack themselves…I began a familiar routine:

One. Lay on bed telling myself that I would just be there for a while.

Two. Throw things off of bed because all of a sudden they become unbearably annoying.

Three. Get comfortable. Begin to notice where this is going. And feel kinda bad when you do.

Four. Stop feeling bad. Begin to drift.

Five. These glasses. Are. Coming. Off. Gently place glasses on floor but not where feet will hit ground upon wakening.

Six. Wake up, and not remember when exactly you closed your eyes.

Somewhere between five and six I must have woken up, in a dream of course, and my mom and my mema dad friends…so many were here. And there. I don’t know how to describe it. It was as if my memas house was in the same neighborhood as my unglamorous flat here in Deutschland. And people were coming and going between the two. and people were here. And I was sometimes there. but mostly here. And finally, after some sort of gathering…I’m assuming dinner … (Im going to wrap this up because im going to go for a walk) people left and my mema looked at me with the most loving eyes. And I felt like I would never see them again…but number six came before I could find out if that was true.

I hope regrets are part of a routine too. All of a sudden, for the first time since I started this, I am wondering if this is what I really want.

There is a sky here.
And a ground.
And air.
The tap water is better…
And besides the old buildings,
Roman ruins,
Cobblestones in the streets,
Narrow alleyways,
And promises from the inside of my mind
That this is exactly where I should be…

…it feels not very different than home.

But if it’s supposed to be home,
For now at least,
It just … doesn’t feel like it.(yet?)

Montag, 23:24. According to my computer which I hope isn’t lying because it’s the only clock I have. Oh that’s not true colleen gave me one before I left. A cute little black square one that glows in the dark. Off to walk.

Changed my mind. All of a sudden that felt like a bad idea.

Immediate update:
:30, about five thirty p.m. Houston time, I notice that the hot water has magically turned on. And boy does it get hot. I was extra about to take a shower, but I noticed I don’t have any soap. Oh no yes I do, I took the complimentary bar from the econolodge in Philadelphia. Thank the Lord for Jesus. One less thing to worry about. What’s left are the spiders, the broken dresserdrawer is still broken, and, now, another trip to the grocery store. Oh but before that I need to go to currency exchange to buy some euros.

Oh sleep, why dost thou leave me?

and here. i. am.

2008-08-17T02:06:00.000-07:00

landed in frankfurt. jud picked me up. had a döner for breakfast. hahaha! it was awesome. wiesbaden is very beautiful. i'll put up pictures later.

and there. we. went.

2008-08-16T08:42:00.001-07:00

spent the night in philly folks.

wow, what an...interesting place.

or is it just the airport that is so .... so... interesting?

all in all it wasn't fun. and i dont feel like typing much right now so i'll just put up a video and some pictures.

here ya go.

and here. we. go.

2008-08-16T08:39:00.000-07:00

My computer tells me it’s Thursday at 1:14 PM. But that isn’t true. It’s actually Friday at 2-something. My computer just lies like that some time.

Actually, the reason my iPimp is so confused right now is because I’m stuck in the airport, with no wireless signal. Mleh.

Yes, you heard read me right. I haven’t even left yet. I was scheduled to leave at 1 24 PM from Houston with a connection to Frankfurt in Philly. But there was a storm, and my plane decided to wait it out in N’awlins. Great. I hope I don’t miss the plane to Frankfurt, because that would mean a night in a hotel in Philly and more money…or a night in the Phillidelphian aeroporto and … a major attitude when I land in Frankfurt.

Anyways. I have nothing to do. I brought two books with me on my carry-on. And dangit I left my jacket in daddy’s car. Oh well. Crap. Man. I really wanted to take that jacket too. It’s one of those jackets that works in either a casual or a more dressy situation. Of course that’s in America, who knows what the standard society-imposed-and-unspoken-but-if-you-don’t-follow-them-you-get-stared-at dress codes in Germ are. Either way, I think I’ll be okay because I brought clothes enough for five people in my checked bags – which means its just enough for me, if not a little bit under.

Hark! But what is this I see in the distance? Ist dass ein Plane?!?!?!? Ist das MEIN Plane??????? Hahaha. PSYCHE! That’s the US Airways plane to phoenix, not philly. Thanks!

Oh how cute though! See, I’m sitting here right in front of the big windows where the nose of the plane is so close you can almost touch it if you could walk through glass, and I’m staring right into the engine of the plane where the big fan th-(I think it’s the engine…that’s the engine, right?)-ing is spinning. And whoever designed this cute little plane has put a little swirlly, hypnotic looking doodle design thing in the center of the fan so its fun to look at. Aww I love it when important-looking things were designed by people with senses of humor.

Bach is playing on a Houston Museum of Natural Science commercial. CNN has been playing on tv since I’ve been here. Apparently everybody hates obama. And everybody hates mccain too. And Bigfoot has been found and they’re going to prove it within the hour. Well alright now. They gone show us, ain’t they???

Some guy just asked me if he could sit next to me. Ugh why do people do that?

But now I’m curious, so I peek over to the left out of the corners of my eyes. He is white, probably pushing thirty, balding – but he seems okay with it.he sets down an orange backpack and another…orange ????(I think it’s orange…) thing that is not a backpack but you can put stuff in it. I think you just call them bags. And he pulls out a big black binder and a yellow highlighter and gets to work. I can’t find a name on the paper he begins to highlight so I’ll call him John. No…I always use john, I’ll use something else.

::thinks::

Nah, I guess John will have to do.
Whoahoho! So I guess john goes to Harvard business school. Na-eeeeeeece. That’s cool John, nice to meet ya buddy.

Man I’m hungry.
Whups I just got a good look at john. Add about ten or fifteen years to his age.
I guess I’ll write some more later – I’m just shooting the breeze now. I’m going to go get some food.
This might turn out to be some sort of…I don’t know…adventure or something. More later. Cheers. (Friday, 2:30, according to john “fourty five more minutes, if we’re lucky” he said.)

igotawebcam

2008-08-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

ok yay it works.

i am so sleepy.

2008-07-16T02:40:00.000-07:00

why am i not sleeping?

midsummer sick soup (with lots of vegetables)

2008-07-09T20:29:00.001-07:00

it was a stupid thing...really it was. i mean, what was i thinking?:

thursday: mexican at tapatia.
friday: ethiopian with jamie
saturday: mediterranean (is that how you spell that word?) with mike...

geez, all that globe hopping i was sure you catch something.

and i did.

the doctor called it gastro-something-or-other-itis, but that was only because she had to diagnose me with something in order for me to be discharged from the hospital. the poor woman, dr. cruz was her name, couldn't figure out for the life of me what it was. so i left the hospital almost exactly the way i came: nauseated, shivering while burning hot, doubled over, and feeling like i was about to die. only this time i had a prescription for little white pills.

i was sick for a few days. "2-3" actually, just like the information paper the doc gave me. so i guess it was gastroinstestinitis after all. i made that word up. but it sounded good, eh?

so for my first meal back in action, guess what i decided to make? SOUP! in honor of the deadly virus i had just conquered.

it was, and still is (we're in the leftovers now...) a glorious concoction of my favorite vegetables, among God's finest work, in my opinion.

the recipe:

ingreeds
lots and lots of onions.
lots and lots of garlic.
a sprig or two or five of rosemary.
oh and lots of carrots. yum. love carrots.
bok choy, if you want to be exotic.
green beans. fresh. fresh. everything fresh.
shrooms. just wait and see how they absorb the flavor!
red potatoes, to make it hearty.
bell peppers. get each color: red, green, yellow - this is very important
corn. canned. yeah i know i said earlier everything had to be fresh, but...honestly now.

directions.

1. put the onions garlic rosemary salt and pepper (by the way you need salt and pepper) in some water and boil it.
2. then add the rest of the vegetables in the water.
3. make sure you like...add them according to like..how can i explain it.

well see, when i did it i added the bok ch-

OMG MUSTARD GREENS.....MUSTARD GREENS MUSTARD GREENS!!!!!!! ADD THAT TO THE INGREEDIENT LIST!!!!!!!

omg how could i forget mustard greens?

***
anyway, see, i added the bok choy in right after i put the mustard greens, (which should actually be step 2). which was a MISTAKE! cuz it ended up falling apart by the time the soup was done. which is okay if you intend for that to happen, but i dont know about you, but i like my bok choy kinda...whole...?
so let's back track.
1. onions garlic rosemary salt pepper. add in water, boil. make it taste good. this should take a while.
2. add mustard greens.
3. do not add bok choy.
4. add stuff according to whatever you want to be whole or crunchy or soft and limp or whateve.r
5. keep boiling and tasting and adding and whatever, most likely you're gonna need more garlic. i always needed more garlic. maybe cuz i overdid it on the rosemary.
6. once the water starts turning green, you're close.
7. make sure you add the potatoes in early enough so they can get soft.
8. oh by the way, remember the vegetables have water inside them too, and that accounts for a significant portion of the water that goes into the soup. so...just remember that.

so i guess you're wondering where the soup got it's name?

well emily and i wanted to make a soup that had vegetables of ALL DIFFERENT COLORS and that would make me feel better from being sick. but the night before emily had a dream about puck, so...there ya have it.

also, you know if you did the recipe right if it kinda looks like vomit...just a little bit. oooh, but it's gonna be soooooo goood.

bon apetit!

ps emily just reminded me we had added celery flakes at one point to the soup. so..er...do that. k.

and now the nostalgia sets in

2008-06-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

it usually happens every summer, when i have a lot of time to think. or it's triggered by an event. like visiting my grandmother's house last sunday, where there were kids playing in her backyard...the same backyard where me and my cousins and my sisters and kids from down the alley would play.

and in rainstorms, where we'd get muddy and yelled at for tracking nike sneaker footprints through the house.
and where volleyball was played often - before someone broke the net (uncle darryl was so mad...)
where it served as a parking lot, especially on the fourth of july family get-togethers.
and where every autumn we'd all pitch in to rake leaves all day, and at the end, just before they were bagged, my cousins and i would throw ourselves into the huge mountain of colorful leaves that had fallen like confetti from the huge oak tree.

we no longer rake the leaves. and the fourth of july celebration has stopped. someone threw away the broken net years ago (uncle darryl had given up trying to fix it.) and though there seem to be more kids now than there ever were with us...the backyard seems always empty.

and silent.

the grass, from years of being trodden on, and driven on, and parked on and fallen on...refuses to grow.

even the tree no longer sheds its dead leaves down upon us.

when i was a kid, it seemed huge to me. an infinite space where hide and seek, and army, and house were all possible.

but now, it seems so small, so white for all its green and brown.

like a field where only memories live.

korean sashimi and goodbyes do not mix

2008-06-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

this thing started weeks ago, and i'm just realizing it now. here i am, in the middle of summer. it's true: things you anticipate are here before you know them, especially when you're dreading them. i guess that could be used to my advantage one day -

perhaps when i'm older.

after having lived success, and hardship, and pain, and twenty thousand goodbyes (really just a couple of hundred, but they would have hurt that bad)

maybe then i'll be able to pretend like i'm dreading things that i secretly want,

and Time will come rushing in.

or not giving a single thought to things that i'm secretly dreading...

and the vital Pulse would slow until infrequency...

But what I've experienced in the last few weeks...maybe the past month or so... has told me something different. Even when you're having fun, and you're eating more than you should be allowed, and you're staying up late so that you miss a half day's work every day, and you're telling jokes, and taking spontaneous trips to places near water, and revealing things, and wondering, and hoping...

in the back of your mind

you're secretly wishing that it'll last. not forever, but until you're sure you're sure you're sure you're ready to move on. and because

that very place

is where memories are hidden,

Time never fails.

Time always wins.

i can't decide on a layout for this blog.

2008-06-10T09:52:00.001-07:00

nor can i decide on a name.

its okay, because i don't think many people read it yet.

i'll give the address to readers later on in the summer before i leave.

from act ii, scene ii of wagner's tristan und isolde.

2008-05-30T11:46:00.000-07:00

what glorious, glorious music.

i need to be more frugal

2008-05-29T15:38:00.001-07:00

my plan for the summer was to work and work and work and work. and save and save and save. and spend only a little bit.

so far i've worked. and saved. and spent and spent and spent and spent.

major problem here.

why don't i have any motivation? why do i just sleep and laze around the house?

i guess i should give myself a little more credit. i mean, i've been doing artistic things:

like composing music for this abridged production of shakespeare's henry v.

and trying to get through this biography of handel and the shipping news and potter 2 with hyo jin (my korean student i'm tutoring)

not to mention the upcoming trip to germany (which sounds less and less enticing as it draws ever so near...)

but the truth is...i'm not directing my energies into the right things.

instead of lazing about the house reading and composing music all day, here's what i really should be doing:

1. WORKING AT MY FULL TIME JOB, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

2. SAVING MONEY I EARN FROM MY FULL TIME JOB, YA BIG DUMMY!

3. NOT SPENDING SO MUCH, KNUCKLEHEAD!!!!!

let's not even talk about the fact that as of today...i've not enough to actually complete the MUSIC part of my independent study in Germany...so either that'll come with loans or this 'letter writing campaign,' which has only existed in my imagination, needs to step it up a bit and actually come to fruition.

i had my last voice lesson of the summer today

2008-05-22T19:42:00.001-07:00

and also my last voice lesson with dr. king for a while. it's just all so very weird.

it's funny...he mentioned that 'after all these years' i still have some of the same issues i came in with as a freshman. that didn't make me feel too good about myself...or my singing, for that matter.

but he also mentioned that i'm still young, and he's not even thinking of what my 'mature voice' will sound like because i'm so far from that. he told me that the things we've been working on were just to get me thinking about the foundations...slowly coaxing my body into the positions and habits of singing.

and at this point, curiosity and talent are working well for me.

geez, i hope so. sometimes i wonder why i even started down this path to begin with.

passport came in today

2008-05-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

glad i didn't expedite. i went two weeks ago. it seriously came in no time.

but why does the picture have to be so unattractive?

finally listened to the recital.

2008-05-03T21:47:00.001-07:00

not bad...but

boy do i have some work to do.
i guess that's why i'm going to europe??
should i quit?
should i just become an actor?
what if i'm just mediocre at that too?

cures for feeling bad about your artistry:

1 procrastination
2 bike riding
3 blueberry frozen yogurt, with strawbs and bloobs
4 daydreaming
5 making a new friend

sumer is icumen in.
lhude sing cucu.

went to the travel agency today

2008-05-01T17:09:00.000-07:00

europe is so ... dense, it seems.
there's so much to do there.
or at least that's what the travel
brochures make it look like.

kyle c. says he wants to backpack
with me for a week.
and jud said i could come stay with him
a few days.
michail said i could come down to crete
but i looked on the rail map
and there's no railway leading there.

perhaps i'll take a ferry.

i think i set a date

2008-04-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

how does the fifteenth of august sound? this is really weird because there's really nothing stopping me (well, yes there is money...but...besides that nothing else) from leaving for europe as soon as i write this paper on civil rights in the 1960s.

i guess what i'm trying to say is im so used to answering to people. and now the only person it seems i have to answer to is myself. i should put my trust in God. so i can answer to Him. because this is just too weird.

so august fifteenth. i know a guy who lives in crete. so there's an option. and then then there's jud who lives in wiesbaden...a little closer to luneburg. uh...kyle will be in avignon. grant at oxford. is the town called oxford too?

anyway. this should be fun. i meet with the travel agent tomorrow. he sounded like he had an accent over the phone. its always nice when your travel agent has an accent.

what am i talking? i've never had a travel agent before. hahahahaha. silly me.

i'm not talking about anything; i'm just wasting time. there really isn't much to write now.

i'm in limbo. this germany thing hasn't really started yet.
nathan bought me a camera. so pictures coming soon. perhaps of my dog, and my little nephew. and of humid...humid houston summers.

sondheim

2008-04-16T22:07:00.001-07:00

last opera performance at shepherd today. and it wasn't really opera. it was a double bill with tony brandt's piece 'the birth of something' and a revue of sondheim musicals. it was fun. and i actually think i sang not half bad. dad and sister came. and so did kyung. that was fun.

another scholarship

2008-04-06T10:29:00.000-07:00

i got another scholarship, and the private donor campaign has begun!
i'm in the process of applying for financial aid for next year's school.

in other news, the odd couple goes up next thursday!

spoke with my dad last night

2008-03-30T22:55:00.000-07:00

he helped me come to terms with my fears about leaving. i guess the reason i don't want to leave is because there is so much...undone...here - so much just getting started. and i feel like i have a responsibility to make sure my family and friends are okay before i head out chasing the world.

but there will always be that. and perhaps i can set an example for many of those i leave behind. that's what he thinks anyway.

he could be on to something.

i wrote to the registrar and have been spreading the word. there's no looking back now.

private donor campaign starts tomorrow.

going to germany.

2008-03-28T14:25:00.001-07:00

so far i've been awarded $ from ssm and from the wagfell.
i have some money but
i need about that much more.

but i'm pretty much going.

yay?

It's late.

2008-03-10T20:53:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what I'm doing right now. I decided that it's time for a new blog. I'm getting a new life soon, and although I'm still the same in a lot of ways, I expect that I'll be different, even if the only reason is because I feel like I'm supposed to be.

What a terrible thing daylight savings is. I mean, my goodness. I feel like I'm being punished. I'm so very tired, and there are a million things to do.

I'm reading this book - well...I started reading it and I really should finish, but, I don't have time.

I'm giving my senior recital preview on Friday and I don't even have the entire recital memorized. In fact, the entire thing feels very uncomfortable. Spoke with Flicka this evening about singing for a few hours in a group discussion with voice majors from my school. She's so down to earth and it's nice to know that even she has negative thoughts about her singing sometimes.

I didn't mean to make this very long. In fact, I just opened up a new blog and was only expecting to type a sentence or two. But there's always something, isn't there?

Why do I do this? Why do I feel the need to connect with...or...just to get it all out? Maybe there's just a lot of stuff in there, and it's getting uncomfortable.

My last blog I started in 2003 in broadcasting class. And now I might be moving to Germany for a year.

I think I'm going to be sick.